NEWS RELEASE: Anarchist Mountain plans nuclear power plant

OSOYOOS, BC – April 1, 2017 –

Frustrated by extraordinarily high, two-tier electricity rates from FortisBC, Anarchist Mountain residents have pooled resources to produce their own electrical power. Scheduled for completion in time for winter 2018-19, the Anarchist Mountain Nuclear Power Plant is budgeted at $33.6 billion.

Spokesman Nick Tesla, Jr., a former senior power administrator, is quoted, “The timing is right. Electricity has become a political commodity and I do not see the political will to bring about reasonable pricing for clean, sustainable hydro electricity for citizens without access to natural gas for home heating and hot water, so we have to make our own solution.

The Osoyoos area has no major rivers to build our own dam on, wind is inconsistent and we do not have sufficient winter sunshine for solar, so nuclear is the obvious choice.”

“Recent confirmation of the presence of radon gas on the Mountain led us to prospect for Uuranium. Geologists confirmed a 900 year supply, so we are good into the future. We have made a deal with Alberta to store the spent uranium in abandoned coal mines, so we expect no pushback from local residents. With electricity available at a very reasonable $0.052 kWh, no
one should have reason to complain. We would have preferred to buy local, but we sourced the plant from China. They are only interested in burning coal, so the nuclear plant was bargain.”

Due to the punishing two-tier electricity rates, and no access to natural gas, Anarchist Mountain residents have been abandoning their environmentally sound heat pumps and geo-thermal systems for wood burning stoves. Area resident, Dick Sidley, himself a wood-burner says, “I don’t mind the wood smoke blocking the view but at the rate we are going, the entire mountain
will be clear-cut within three years.”

Naturally, this raises fears in the town of Osoyoos itself. With the mountain devoid of trees, erosion and mud slides would imperil residents and muddy the waters of pristine Osoyoos Lake, so the proposed plant appears to be a win-win all around.

With a production capacity of 13.5 Gigawatts, Tesla expects the plant will have surplus electricity to sell to neighbouring communities. To date, Grand Forks and Beaverdell have expressed serious interest. To allay any local fears, the AMNPP will have full liability insurance.

BC Energy Minister Bill Bennett has not commented on the project. “And just wait until you see our Christmas lights,” beams Tesla.

Proposed site photo attached

News release courtesy of Jim Thornton

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3 Responses to NEWS RELEASE: Anarchist Mountain plans nuclear power plant

  1. Irvin Redekopp says:

    Loved the April Fools Nuclear Plant proposal. Well done.

  2. Chuck Harrison says:

    Well done Jim. Obviously you haven’t been retired long enough to lose your media touch. You must learn to relax more.

  3. Doug Gueho says:

    From the photo it looks like the plant site will be on Sasquatch. Wow, that was close, for a minute there I thought it was going to be on Bullmoose.
    Great article Jim!

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